Steve Zakuani has spent the better part of four years struggling to bring his body back to top form.
Rehabilitation from a devastating injury in 2011 and subsequent injuries in the following years consumed the former No. 1 overall pick of the Seattle Sounders, and to say he was in tune with the ways his body spoke to him would be an understatement.
What it was telling him following a CONCACAF Champions League game Aug. 19 with the Portland Timbers in Guyana was that it was time to hang up his boots.
Zakuani, who was enjoying his most fruitful season since he suffered a broken right tibia and fibula four years ago, had even scored the Timbers’ first-ever CCL goal in a 4-1 victory. But he could hardly celebrate.
“The next day, I woke up and felt really, really sore,” Zakuani told MLSsoccer.com recently. “More than usual, not just your normal after-game soreness, it was something else. There was actually pain there. And I knew at that point that if I kept going I could end up having another really serious injury or I could just have the same story every year: play a few games, get injured, play a few games, get injured. It was then that I realized that it was time for me to seriously consider doing something else.”
An announcement at the end of the season that he would retire marked the end of a journey for Zakuani. For years, he had tried to rediscover his former self, the one who had wreaked havoc on the league for two seasons with a mix of blazing speed, one-on-one fearlessness, and finishing abilities. He said the mental drive to continue was there, but his body failed to respond despite grueling rehabilitation efforts. He appeared in 17 games for Portland this season, but never regained the form that saw him post 14 goals and 10 assists in 58 games for Seattle during his first two years in the league.
“When it still isn’t working, then you think maybe the injuries I’ve had -- a broken leg, two groin surgeries -- my body has kind of been modified," Zakuani said. "So I knew that I would probably never get back to perfection. But I did my best. So I think [deciding to retire] was the realization that I’ve done all I can.”
It’s a process he hopes to share with other athletes trying to overcome injuries, or anybody dealing with adversity, through a book he plans to release in the coming weeks. 500 Days -- the title refers to the number of days between his initial injury and his return to MLS action -- documents Zakuani’s struggle, both physical and mental, to rehabilitate and overcome the mental strain of being unable to do the thing he had loved all his life.
Zakuani said the writing process started when he was recovering from his second groin surgery with the Sounders and rediscovered the journals he kept after breaking his leg.
“And as I was reading the journals, I saw that there was really a story there that could help a lot of people,” he said. “It’s tough being away from the team, being on the treatment table. The physical side of it is hard, but there’s a lot that goes into it mentally as well. And I saw that, and chronicled my journey from probably the worst injury we’ve seen in MLS.”
After making the decision to retire following the game in Guyana, he said he spent the next three or four weeks finishing the book, adding structure to his journals and also providing context of how he started playing soccer, his five seasons with the Sounders, and his final season with the Timbers.
- Get more Portland news at Timbers.com
“I’ve enjoyed it a lot,” he said. “It was a great process because I was looking back on my career, and I was able to see that, yeah, I had the bad injury, but as I wrote about the early years there was some very good moments in my career. And the one thing I realized is, I never really lost my dedication or my hunger or my passion. That wasn't the reason why I wasn’t able at times to perform at my highest level. It was simply because my mind knew what to do but my body physically wasn’t able to handle it.”
As for the future, Zakuani intends to complete the process of fine-tuning the book and its release before spending the early part of next year traveling. When he returns, he plans to stay involved in his charity, Kingdom Hope, and get involved in education and personal soccer instruction.
“[Retirement] was a long time coming,” he said. “It was something that I spent a couple of months really thinking about … so leading up to the announcement was a very difficult time.
"But since the announcement, I’ve felt great, I’ve felt at peace, and I know I made the right decision. It wasn’t the easiest decision, but I know it was the right one. So I’ve kind of been able to have a huge weight lifted off my shoulder and go on with my life, and I’m happy with that.”
The KickStarter campaign for 500 Dayscan be viewed here.
Dan Itel covers the Timbers for MLSsoccer.com.
